| Chris is a popular speaker and writer as well as the President of
Made for Success and
Extraordinary Leaders, two companies helping individuals and organizations
turn their potential into performance, succeed in every area of their lives and
achieve their dreams. |
have worked with thousands of people through the years and written
for millions of others, many who have written to me for advice and
the like. One of the things that I have found to be common in so
many people is fear. Fear is something that cripples people and
keeps them from pursuing and reaching their dreams. This does not
have to be so! I truly believe that a person does not have to have
fear in their life. I can honestly say that I do not have any fear
in my life. Now, I am not perfect by any means but fear is not
something I have because I have dealt with it.
 The main reason I do not have fear is
because I have come to grips with the concepts surrounding fear. I
have understood fear, primarily from two angles. The first angle is
psychologically and the second angle is theologically. You see, I
think that if we address the issues of life and the fears we
experience from both a good understanding of psychology and
theology, then I believe we can be free from fear.
Psychology is the study of the mind
and that is where most of our fears take place. Theology is the
understanding of God and the world we live in as it relates to God
and what takes place in this world. I know from personal experience,
that as we settle just a few basic issues, we can be free from fear.
A few weeks ago I spoke to a group on fear and here are a few of the
insights I gave them on how they can get over their fears and get on
with their lives. Look and see how each one of these principles fits
either psychology or theology.
Disciplining your thoughts. Fear is
an action of the mind. Fear is a use, or better said, misuse, of the
imagination. In reality, when you fear something, you are simply
choosing to imagine a future happening. You are fearful that your
spouse will divorce you (future), or that the snake will bite you
(future – it hasn’t yet), or that you will lose your job (future
– you still have it). So when we fear, we are simply letting our
minds imagine a bad future. That is what fear is! Imagining a bad
future. So what is the answer?
Well, there are two things you can
do. One would be to imagine a good future. The other would be to
stop thinking about the future and just take one day at a time. If
you are a fearful person, either one of these would be preferable to
living in the prison you currently live in. The principle remains
true in that we have to discipline our minds and choose not to think
about a bad future. We can do that. We can choose our thoughts. It
just takes discipline.
Accepting the realities of life. Much
of what people fear are the realities of life. Some may think this
cold, but people die, people lose jobs, people choose to do crazy
things in relationships etc. There is nothing you can do about that.
Period. For example, I know many fearful mothers who won’t let
their children play in the front yard because they are afraid the
kids will get kidnapped. Now, what should they do? Do everything
they can to make it safe and then let their kids play in the front
yard! Some people are afraid they will go bankrupt or broke and
worry endlessly about it. What should they do? Work hard, save,
invest and live life. Could someone get kidnapped? Yes. Could you go
bankrupt? Yes. These things happen and all you can do is work to
make your life what it can be and accept that sometimes things
happen, even tragic things. If they happen, you experience the pain
and emotion then – there is no sense forcing yourself to
experience it before it happens – IF it happens! This is a mental
adjustment that we make that enables us to get over fear.
Give yourself good information. Much
of what we fear is irrational and not based on good information. For
example, someone afraid of snakes will scream when they see a
gardener snake, even though the reality is that there is absolutely
nothing that snake can do to them! Take the time to educate yourself
about whatever it is you fear and see if that doesn’t help you
gain the mental edge you need.
Taking control only of those things
you can control. There are things you can control and things you can’t.
Much of what we fear is out of our hands and we can’t control it.
You can’t control if your spouse leaves you. You can control how
you treat your spouse. You can’t control a downturn in the
economy. You can control whether you save for a rainy day or not.
You can’t control whether or not you will get a fatal disease. You
can control whether you eat right and exercise. You can’t control
how your kids will turn out. You can control how you raise them,
what kind of example you set, and what you teach them. You can’t
control how others will treat you. You can control how you will
treat others. Control what you can control, and let go of the rest.
These are some basic points that I
use to shape my heart and mind so that I don’t have to spend my
life in fear. There are a few others as well, I am sure, and many
you probably use yourself, but for now, this should be enough to
chew on. Getting over fear is an issue of the mind and the spirit
and, believe me, the battle over fear can be won!
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